My Road to Recovery After Leaving the Seventh-day Adventist Church

Many people wonder what the road to recovery looks like after they leave the SDA church. To be honest, leaving the SDA church was a very traumatic thing for me. Contrary to what pastors and leaders will tell you, leaving a church that has indoctrinated your entire way of thinking is not an easy process that one takes lightly. It's not a "work of Satan" as some may say. Leaving the Seventh-day Adventist church is traumatic, and comes with a lot of heartache.

This is the church that I spent almost half my life in. I spent ten years as a missionary. I taught at Nile Union Academy in Egypt. I worked with Native Ministries in Queets for close to 4 years. I was a missionary teacher in Ukraine. I gave tens of thousands in tithe money to the church. All of these things are INVESTMENTS that benefit the church in many ways. In addition, each investment one gives the church makes it harder to leave. When one invests in something, to go back on it is an admittance that they wasted money or a resource. 

For me, I invested:

•10 years of missionary experience, most of which was unpaid.
•Close to 20 years of believing, reading, attending church, making friends in the church, etc.
•Not using the degrees I had attained (law degree, masters degree, BA degree), not working "in the world" during this time.
•$15,000+ to the church in the form of tithes / offerings

These are considerable investments for me, especially as a person to come from a background of poverty. 

The fact that I left the SDA church was a miracle in itself, especially after the investments I put into it.

Then one has to look at the costs of leaving:

•Spiritual inner struggle (wondering if I am wrong after all I have been taught, and after hearing about how Satan tricks people into leaving).
•Family struggle (Will my wife accept this? What will other family members say?)
•Friendships lost (Adventists are insular people and are taught that those who stray may persecute them when the Sunday law hits).
•Career (I gave my time to the SDA church. This became my career path. I can no longer work in the church).
•Anger/resentment: For the time I lost within the church. This one is a hard thing to deal with. And many can't get past it. 

One must also look at what they gain when they leave the Seventh-day Adventist church:

•PEACE OF MIND: Learning Ellen White was wrong gave me incredible peace of mind. Not everything that I did was a "sin." I learned that the idea of sinning was largley a human construct used to keep people in place or "in line."
•FREEDOM: I was now free to pursue the life I wanted to, without guilt. I could go into any career or live where I wanted. I was no longer bound by Sabbath rules nor did I have to think it was evil to live in the city.
•FRIENDSHIPS: I could have real, deep friendships with other people. I was not limited to being friends only with other Adventists.
•SELF LOVE: I never was able to love myself when in the church, because we were told over and over again how we were immoral and slated for destruction without constant meditation from Jesus and study of Ellen G White. I realized that I am a lovable person and have many good qualities that others also appreciate.
•APPRECIATION OF LIFE: I now can appreciate the beauty of this life. Now I don't have to spend every moment thinking about Heaven and setting aside treasure there (which meant giving all to the church).

There is a lot more that I have gotten since leaving. 

Despite all the costs, leaving the church is worth it to me. I can not imagine being in such a high-control religion. While there were some good things I got out of my time in the church, I could have got all those things out of the church. 

My road to recovery since leaving the SDA church has been brought about by doing many things:

•Discovering the things that I like that I was not allowed to do or was made to feel guilty about in the church. These things include shopping, traveling, fashion, reading books that were looked down upon, etc. 
•Formally leaving the SDA church: I had my membership revoked and that was very good for me psychologically.
•Being honest about leaving: I tell people I am not a member anymore whenever it is brought up.
•Trashing all Ellen White's books and SDA propaganda: I destroyed so many DVDs that I was given by my brother-in-law. I threw away the Ellen White books that were at the parsonage that we lived at (they are now at the Quinault dump). I don't allow any of that in my home or life.
•Allowing myself to do things that were forbidden but not harmful like piercings, tattoos, etc. that I would have never dreamed of as an Adventist. Same with wearing jewelry. I finally purchased wedding rings for us after leaving the church.
•Creating this blog and writing my book "The Ellen White Cult" has been very healing for me. Writing on the subject of Adventism and helping others find freedom brings me happiness and joy.
•Changing my name: I changed my birth name one year after leaving and now I see my past time in the church as marked by when I was known as someone else.
•Going back to school and starting again without the church being a part of my life: I am now going into a career that is mine, and mine alone! No more fitting it in the constraints of the church or feeling that I have to put the church and its mission first! This is my life, and I love it! 

Some triggers include:

•Going back to places that were associated with my time in the church:

My father-in-law recently passed away and I have to return to Countryside Sabbath Fellowship in Deer Park Washington for part of the service. While this is a trigger, it is also a chance for me to take ownership of the fact that I am out of that world! I am excited to go back and claim ownership of that period of life and my present state as an ex-Adventist. I am also excited to set foot on a place I was supposed to be banned from :) Truly, the SDA church and its leaders have no power over me and that is something that I will keep reminding myself of! 

•Interacting with Adventists

I just remind myself that they are people too, and there was a time where I would have never imagined leaving. I picture them one day finding the freedom and joy that I have found outside of Adventism and realize that I can provide the much needed cognitive dissonance by being kind, loving, and showing that I am only happier now and no less "chosen or set aside" by leaving the church. 

Leaving the Seventh-day Adventist church has been incredibly good for me. From Countryside to Steve Huey, Adventist Frontier Missions, and Native Ministries, the SDA church has been loaded with periods of grave spiritual abuse. But I found freedom and I am claiming the goodness that has been a part of life outside of the SDA umbrella! It feels good to be free!

What to know what lead me to wake up and finally say "adios amigos" to the Seventh-day Adventist Church? A book about offshoots and the realization that the mainline SDA church was no more sane in the end. Ten years of missionary work before waking up and seeing that the damage, pain, hurt, and trauma that so many Adventists had in their lives was largely caused by a church that holds people down to archaic and damaging rules based on one woman's disdain for pleasure. Welcome to "The Ellen White Cult."