Part VII :: A New Mission
Could it really be the end? Could have I left that place and erased all that had happened from my mind? Could I reintegrate myself into whatever Adventism was after that? The reader must remember that this was the deepest into Adventism I had ever gotten. Sure, I had been to other churches, such as Deer Park. But Countryside had become a weekly ritual. During this time was when I studied the most. Like Stephen, Countryside touched me in ways that, frankly, should be illegal. Yet, I was also at fault. I dived in. I did it for a multitude of reasons. For my little girl, for my own salvation, and to live according to the life that I felt that I was “supposed to live.” Yet, I knew that this was not the way. Strangely, I did not know what the correct way was.
I was still suckling the words of Ellen White as if she had the truth for me. It
would be years before I would make the connection that she was largely at fault for the extremism. To be honest, at this point, the thought never occurred to me, and I continued to voraciously read her books, sometimes over and over again. I would walk through the Adventist Book Center and wonder why anyone even bothered reading anything else when there were volumes of work by a modern-day prophet to read. I know that I was not alone in this idea. When we moved to the coast we met another family who loved her in the same way. There were thousands, maybe tens of thousands of Adventists that saw Ellen White as the pinnacle of knowledge second only, and sometimes tied to the Bible.
When we finally combined all the DVDs that we had gathered over the last few months with the ones Stephen gave us, we must have had well over 100 DVDs. I began to sort them into sections, as I was interested in watching some of them. I had neglected to watch any secular entertainment at this time and instead figured that material with a religious message was automatically superior.
Some of the DVDs were deemed more worthy to watch than others. I had a stack of some from pastors that I was okay with learning about and some that were in the “no thanks pile” The DVDs about the poisoned water, chemtrails, and fluoride were a definite no. That one eventually ended up in a landfill. Actually, they all did. But a small percentage was digested first.
I would say that the vast majority of these DVDs were shut off after the first 20 or so minutes. It was easy to tell where they were going. It seemed that the pastors were more interested in hearing their own voices rather than preaching anything uplifting or of real substance. My curiosity sometimes would get the best of me, and some of the labels were vague enough to entice me.
Freddy and Darla had been Adventists for years. Freddy had been raised an Adventist, but his father was not the best role model (to say the least). As I watched DVDs and thought back to my time at Countryside, I was angry that they did not “know better than this,” I thought back to the seemingly gifted mind of Eric and how he could dive deep into the Bible and tell you endless things that you never could have imagined knowing. How could he not know better? What about the other kind people at Countryside who seemed to long after something better than the world had to offer? Some of these folks had been lifelong Adventists, too. How in the world could they be so deluded by the idea of a Jesuit world government? That shook me. It was something I still can’t wrap my head around. Compared to me, these people were spiritual giants. They should have been people I looked up to. I was learning just how little we all must know.
These individuals had been vocally interested and supportive of our work on the coast. Even though we were working under the umbrella of the Jesuit-controlled General Conference, they wanted to support us. It seemed like there was a cognitive dissonance here, as well. If you really believe something is so evil, how can you support it? I found that, as long as it was familiar and understandable, it can be supported, and is good. But it was the parts that were too complex, too distant, that was evil. It all boiled down to a fear of the world. Us versus them. An all-consuming need for control. Sometimes we would pop a DVD in while we were eating lunch. One day, for some strange reason, my wife and I were both feeling brave. We decided that we would give this Bill Hughes guy a chance. Strangely, I had never seen what he looked like, nor had I watched anything he had put out. I wanted to hear him speak, to understand how charismatic he was. We slid one of the discs into the player and began to watch the sermon.
This must have been Bill’s first Countryside rodeo because it was here that he introduced himself and gave his testimony. He didn’t waste any time jumping into it. He looked nothing like I had imagined. He was a smaller man, with a white mustache. He spoke very slowly, hoping that the audience would take in every word. He was not in a rush to tell his story. Like Albert, he used terms like “friends” and “brothers and sisters.” He tried to appear friendly. In later sermons that I witnessed, I saw that he would sometimes joke with people in the audience or say someone's name that he recognized. He looked frail. Kind of weak. Definitely at the edge of a strange and interesting life, but with enough steam to go on for a while still. I had heard he was being hunted down by the Jesuits, and that there was a bounty for his life. “Bill Hughes is in hiding,” Darla said. Yet, if he was in hiding, why did the Countryside website have all his
upcoming sermon dates listed?
Conspiracy and intrigue surrounded this man. A modern carnival barker of the fringe Adventist faith. Each word, calculated to bring one to a deeper fear of the world. Each word, calculated to instill a feeling of emptiness. Yet, those in the audience didn’t hear it like that. They loved him. Every conspiracy he peddled was a ray of hope to the people whose ears were wide open. Soon the Jesuits would strike, but God had their back. Before the stroke of death fell on these ancient listeners, God’s mighty hand would reach down and pick up these outcasts of society. As the Sunday law backfired on the rest of the world, these fringe folk would be ushered into a room full of white robes and hat racks lined with golden crowns. Jesus would fit each one with a shining hat loaded with stars and take them to a garden of everlasting glory. The rest of the world would perish in consuming fire. A beautiful message of hope. The hope in the coming of the Lord.
You can tell a person is in a bad mood by how they speak. This was true of Mr. Hughes as he began to tell his story of being removed from the Adventist church. Rather than accept a better position in exchange for giving up his Jesuit-obsessive sermons, he opted to become a martyr. He traded his cushy GC position for one of a rogue pastor. Yet, it was as a rogue pastor that he gained fame. That didn’t dispel the hatred he had for the conference, and he was hellbent on letting every church he visited know that he had been unjustly fired.
He was tense as the words spilled forth like hot irons from his jagged lips. His
voice cracked like an old whip as he let the words roll off his tongue. His accent
sounded almost southern. I was told he lived in Florida. Tax records show he is a pretty wealthy man. His ministry, “Truth Triumphant” rakes in enough to make a choir boy blush ten times over.
“They told me to stop. And I said, stop what? And they said you can have this job, but I need you to stop preaching the Three Angel’s messages. And, once they said that, I told them that I could not do that. And that was the end. I said, no. I can’t do that.” He seemed very perturbed, very annoyed, and vexed even. “I can’t stop preaching the Three Angel’s message*…”
*Note: The three angel’s messages, or the third angel’s message, is mentioned during every sermon at Countryside. The idea is that the remnant must warn the world about the Jesuits and how they are the whore of Babylon. “Come out of her my people.” Ellen White (who else?) was a huge proponent of preaching the third angel’s message. Strangely, few within the church can seem to agree what the message actually is. At Countryside Sabbath Fellowship, part of preaching the Third Angel’s Message was spreading every conspiracy possible about the Catholic church. This was also how Bill Hughes framed it in his books. Jesuits are the enemy.
“The Seventh-day Adventist church refuses to preach the third angel's message,
and that is why they are in apostasy” was the message. The third angel’s message, the one that Ellen White says is the creme de la creme of the message we are to take to the world, is one that the extremists and traditionalists love to claim a monopoly over. Yet, after months of going to Countryside and watching various sermons entitled “the third angel’s message,” I had no clue what the message actually was.
“You know why they removed the three angels from the Adventist logo*, don’t you? Do you know why they replaced it with an upside-down cross? The ecumenical symbol shows a burning bible! It's the cross of Satan. It’s Satanic.”
*Note: An older version of the Seventh-day Adventist logo previously pictured three angels with trumpets flying over the earth. This symbol has been replaced with a cross and fire coming out of a Bible. The Three Angels symbol is still heavily used at more traditional “offshoot” churches. The fact that this symbol has been replaced with a more modern symbol is part of the supposed proof that the Adventist church has clasped hands with Rome and is in Babylon along with all the other Christian denominations. It is “us versus them” thinking at its finest.
“Who did such a thing?”
I imagined Stephen hissing, “Jesuits!”
Of course. Those Jesuits in the church! The ones with nothing better to do than sink the Titanic.
The sermon continued with Bill Hughes outlining the wrongs committed against him, and how he found it within his heart to forgive them. From that moment, the sermon switched to a tirade about the General Conference being in deep apostasy. It was time to turn off the television. I had seen enough. What kind of drama was this? What strange world had I walked in on?
Before we left for Ukraine, not even two years ago, there was no sign of this kind of religion. Yet now, everything had quickly changed. Going to church to worship God had been replaced with a strange unrecognizable religion. It was dizzying. It was confusing. It was unreal. How the hell did you not know better? I wanted to grab Freddy and shake him, slap him, and ask “what in the world were you thinking?! Darla, why did you not stop this man?! Why didn’t you put your foot down before it got to this? How have you been so duped? What the hell happened?!?”
Many are reading this book now, and have been wondering why my view on religion drastically changed over the past few years. When I first arrived on the coast I was spiritually on fire. Mentally, I was not so different than these people. I emulated a lot of what I saw in the Countryside church. Looking back, I was an extremist, too. I truly thought that we had to attain perfection. I truly thought that we had to be ready for the end times at every moment, lest it caught us unaware. I believed that the Sunday law was coming soon. I would scour the news for signs. I am deeply embarrassed by the person I was at that time. I never understood how ugly it was making me. I would beat myself up for any failure. After reading Adventist Home and seeing how my life did not live up to the standard, I would beg God for forgiveness. I could never live up to Ellen White. But I needed to figure out how to.
On the coast, I had the expectation that those who I was called to serve should become like how I was to become. The native people ate fish and lived disorderly lives. They were not married to the people they had made children with. They didn’t come to church on Sabbath. Their children were rowdy and loud in church. Although they were friendly and I liked them a lot, they were not how God wanted them to be, and if I did not shape them it was going to be on me. Stars for my crown were hanging in the balance. If I could just get one star I would be accepted to enter Heaven. After all, Auntie Ellen said that every crown will at least have one star in it.
Mine still had zero.
“He seems angry,” I said. “…And vengeful. He says he’s not, but it’s there. It’s obvious.”
My wife agreed.
“This whole thing is wrong,” I said.
Yet, against that backdrop, Bill Hughes' fame was growing like wildfire at
Countryside.
“Guess who is coming to church this weekend?” Darla told my wife on the phone
as they talked.
“Who?” she asked.
“Bill Hughes!” Darla said, her voice cracking with excitement.
“Oh,” my wife said, trying to hide her disappointment. “His sermons are always so interesting. We have told him about you.”
I could not help but wonder what could have been said about us to the esteemed Bill Hughes. Why would he even care? He had bigger fish to contend with. We were just a couple of wayward conference missionaries.
Since we lived so close to the family, we made regular visits. The Spokane area was about eight to ten hours from us and it was nice to get away from the everyday. Our place on the coast was in a small town of around 275 people 40 miles from the nearest town. Forks was the closest town of any size, with the same population as Deer Park.
The next largest town was 70 miles to the south and that was Aberdeen and Hoquiam. The “twin harbors” were where we did most of our shopping.
We lived and worked in Queets. This little coastal tribal village features a gas station and a few tribal offices. It is located about a mile from the sea. The people of Queets largely survive off of fishing and many are also hunters. Guiding services are a huge source of income for Queetsters, as they like to call themselves. The little village consists of an upper and lower part The upper area is purely residential, with a senior center and a couple of cul-de-sacs of houses. The lower village is where the tribal center, Queets community center, senior center, and manufacturing plant are located. The church that we worked in is also in the lower village. Next door is a parsonage.
Living in Queets was new for us. As stated before, I had previously lived in
Seattle, New York, Kyiv, San Francisco, and a host of other very large cities. Being so immersed in cultures allowed me to not feel out of place at all in regard to native American culture. However, the biggest culture shock for me was living so removed from society. Therefore, I enjoyed driving east, even if it meant dealing with some of the things that I left behind.
When we arrived on one of our eastern Washington visits, we were made aware that Bill Hughes was in town and would be speaking at Countryside.
“This is the perfect chance for you to meet him!” Darla proclaimed.
My countenance fell.
“The church is always SO busy when he comes,” she added.
So busy, huh? we thought. The wheels in our heads were turning, and it seemed
like the perfect way to avoid a meeting. Even though we had taken our daughter
traveling all over with us, and even though she was incredibly adaptable, we knew she
did not like loud noises. Therefore, we decided that it was an easy way out for us.
“I don’t know if she would really like the noise. And we told her she would get to
see her little friends at Deer Park,” my wife said.
It was the perfect way out.
“That’s true. The church is always so full that people have to watch from the dining room,” Darla said.
It felt good to miss out on Bill Hughes’ lambasting the conference and going off on Jesuits. I pictured the little man in his lamb white hair waving his arms around and crying out the sins of the Jesuits, phlegm flying all about. I could just see his legions of devotees all crying out for more, taking notes, shouting amen, and accosting the pastor for news about when Bill Hughes would return.
I pictured Eric’s father miraculously rising and proclaiming, “If this is where my tithe goes, sign me up for double. No! Triple!”
When we visited the in-laws, we enjoyed cooking. We were rushing about in the kitchen making some kind of enchilada dish when the in-laws arrived. The sun was going down and their two dogs were going crazy underfoot.
“Freddy, take them for a walk so they can use the bathroom,” Darla said (they would not go to the bathroom on their own, which seems almost Adventist in itself). As we layered the sauce and cheese onto the enchiladas, we were told how the sermon was “very interesting.”
“Did you know that the holocaust was actually caused by the Jesuits? Bill
Hughes talked all about it today.”
I rolled my eyes.
“He had so much to say. It was so powerful.”
“We should invite Stephen for dinner,” my wife said, trying to change the subject.
We liked to invite him, as he was family.
I wondered if Stephen would want to eat cheese. I thought back to how Darla
recently told me about how his sister brought up pizza and they got into a fight about Ellen’s rules of eating cheese.
“We are NOT supposed to be eating cheese,” he shouted. Not being the type to back down, she called him a “stumbling block.” He did not take that well. The rest is a family legend.
The daughter in question was raised an Adventist and left it behind when she moved out. She was not the only one. While both sons were Adventists, out of four girls, only my wife was active in the church. One of the girls was agnostic and seemed uninterested in religion for the most part. The oldest girl in the family, Anna, was in and out of the church, but never committed.
I wondered what their childhood religion looked like. I thought back to how my wife told me about the other Bill Hughes church that fell apart. What kind of childhood do children have when they are raised in that kind of nonsense? I wondered. Later, when I would scour the Reddit Ex-Adventist message board, I would read all about broken adults that had been abused by ultra-zealous parents who believed in following Auntie Ellen to the letter and listening to power-crazed pastors like Hughes and his ilk. Imagine being able to draw a crowd like that. How is it that God bestows such a blessing on those who preach conspiracy? How many people has Bill Hughes brought to Christ? How fruitful has my ministry been? Bill Hughes can fill a church almost effortlessly. Back in Queets, getting people to come to church is hard. Some weeks we have no one. Who am I to question God? God has raised up these pastors for His mighty work. Ellen White says so.
Trying to make sense of Bill Hughe’s message and popularity was a form of mental gymnastics. Trying to make sense of it under the umbrella of Ellen White’s writings made it even worse.
“He’s such a kind man,” we were told by one of the Countryside congregants. “He’s even better in person!”
It didn’t make any sense. Here he was preaching straight from Ellen White. He must be chosen by God! Ellen White says we can’t question our pastors and leaders. We must follow and obey. God has hand-picked them for a very special purpose. Everyone but my wife and I seem to see it.
Maybe he isn’t as spiteful and vengeful as he seemed in that sermon we
watched. Maybe we watched it with the wrong spirit? Could we have been too critical? Maybe I should watch some more YouTube videos of him preaching?
I watched some more of his videos but quickly found the same critical person trying to proclaim he had been wronged by a church that was in deep apostasy. The Jesuits were destroying the world behind the scenes and the church was in on it. He seemed angry, and vengeful, and demanded that we all figure out how to become perfect before the fast-approaching time of trouble. They spoke about him as if he was their idol. Ellen White, Bill Hughes, Daniel & Revelation, and then the rest of the Bible. Jesus’ name was mentioned only in passing.
Later on, we were resting in the back bedroom. I was silently reflecting on the changes that life had brought us. At that moment I heard a rustling in the front of the house. The sound was frantic, as the door busted open and both of my wife’s parents rushed into the house. They had been outside talking to someone who had driven up. Darla rushed to the back while Freddy was tearing through papers in the front. He called Darla. His voice was heavy. I could tell he was out of breath and frantic.
“Where are they?” he shouted.
“I am getting them!” Darla said. “They are back here!”
“What?” he said, unable to hear Darla over the sound of his frantic searching.
What could they be looking for, I wondered.
Darla came rushing out of her bedroom, which was right next to the room we were resting in. “I found them!” she said.
I looked out the door and saw her carrying some of Bill Hughes’ books in her hand. She held them up and rushed down the hall towards the front of the house. “I said
I have them!” she said, having noticed that Freddy was still rustling through everything in his way.
“The Bill Hughes ones?” he snapped.
“Yes,” she said. “Give them to her,” she added, pushing them towards Freddy. He grappled at them and made his way out to the driveway.
It was quiet once again. A frantic search for witnessing materials came to a
hushed close. Later we were filled on the event. A woman who was looking for a nearby house for rent had asked for directions. After a little friendly visit, Darla and Freddy found out that she was interested in learning more about Jesus. The first book to come to enter their mind was “The Enemy Unmasked.” What a way to share the risen Christ!
The woman would make her way to her home, open up this book, and learn all about Jesus through the eyes of a madman going off on the Jesuit infiltration. I silently pondered the idea of witnessing Christ through mindless anti-Jesuit propaganda. Sadly, many Seventh-day Adventists will have no issue with such a book being handed out to spread the gospel message. Although Christ says “Peace is what I leave with you,” the message has been turned into one of fear. “Be afraid. Teach fear.” Another fallacy in the teaching. The message is not to bring one to Christ, it is “get others to think as we do.” It is scary if others think differently. We must have the same fears to feel confident that we
have the truth.
Back on the coast, our supervising pastor wanted to meet with us. We discussed some of what was happening with Countryside. He identified it as an offshoot right away. He let us know that his church had been split by an offshoot very recently and that much damage had been done. I shared how the people at Countryside appeared so kind. The pastor said, “they will be nice to you as long as you think like them. But once they know you don’t agree with you, it will be the end of it all.” At the time he did not tell me that this was the case with religion in general. I would find that out much later. But I was nowhere near that point yet. In my mind, I did not expect them to ever find out that I thought differently. I had been silent this long, and I could keep it up forever if I needed to. There was no reason for me to say that I didn’t think as they did. Rather, my desire was to show them that I loved them and that we had some common ground. Christ was the common ground. That’s at least what I hoped deep in my heart. I was courting both worlds, and I didn’t realize just how dangerous of a game that was.
Perhaps my inaction was a form of deception in itself. Maybe I should have said something and parted ways. Yet, with in-laws being involved and the inner mental dilemmas that I was dealing with, it was hard for me to think about part ways just yet. I had heard about the dangers of extremist offshoot groups more and more from people in the church at this point. For my first decade in Adventism, I had never heard a word about extremism. Now, as a missionary, it was starting to pop up a little. But never in sermons. No, it was never talked about at the potluck table or during a regular sermon. It was almost as if the general population was not privy to it. Only when I was a missionary did I start to hear about these matters.
I had heard a story of Shepherd’s Rod* members telling Native Americans that in order to be saved, they would have to become vegan and give up all meat. This was from a literal belief in Ellen White and worked to push many native people away from Adventism. Strangely archaic and arbitrary dietary restrictions within this group has precedence over the following verse: “As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.” Romans
14:1-23
Note: Shepherd’s Rod is yet a very traditional “hardcore” SDA offshoot (the SDA church attracts them like flies to poop). Like numerous offshoots, they are strict followers of Ellen White. Ellen was a huge proponent of an animal-free vegan diet. Many Adventists do not realize that White struggled with eating meat while telling others that they would need to give up meat. Many Adventists refuse to acknowledge that Ellen White ate herring and oysters throughout her life while saying that it was the duty of Adventists and Christ-followers to not touch meat or anything unclean. Ellen’s vegan message is huge in extremist branches of Adventism, with the health message being pushed and peddled like snake oil during the days of yore.
During this period of my life, I focused on reading Ellen White, the Bible, and working through the Daniel & Revelation study I was given. I preached a couple of sermons at the Forks church. These were on the merits of Ellen White, and I took cues from the way Albert and the people in the DVDs spoke. I referred to Ellen White as Sister White. I was legalistic. The small Forks congregation seemed to thoroughly enjoy my sermons and messages. Nothing negative was said about them, and I was invited to preach again.
During this time of life, I eschewed secular movies and so-called worthless
literature. I believed that the only use of my time that was valuable was in search of Biblical knowledge and deep study of Ellen White’s prophetic writings. I felt that my daughter was in danger of being influenced by other children who were interested in makeup or watching secular cartoons. While my daughter watched a few secular cartoons, we made sure to thoroughly vet them. During Halloween, we fretted that she would be corrupted by the youth of the village and that she would one day want to participate.
After a year and a half of living in Queets, I had decided I wanted to teach, as I felt woefully unprepared and unfit for the work in the village. I felt that as a teacher at an Adventist school, I would have a team I could work with and lean on. I also desired to live in a larger city again. I was now working on a master’s degree in TESOL and I wanted to put that degree to work. Therefore, I applied to work at an Adventist school, “Nile Union Academy” in Cairo, Egypt. I immediately got an email back expressing a strong desire for us to go teach. From that moment on, we made plans to prepare to go to Egypt. It would be a few months still before we would leave.
I had mixed feelings about leaving Queets. There was much that was nice about living on the coast. As we locked the door for the last time and left the keys on the counter, I looked back at the house and thought that there would be things that I would miss dearly about it and this place. I knew that I would one day come again to visit, but that period of life was over. I was thrilled to be going to Egypt. Starting a new adventure in life was what I needed to put all the insanity well behind me.
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